{"id":1527,"date":"2010-09-29T15:22:34","date_gmt":"2010-09-29T19:22:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifewithhappiness.com\/?p=1527"},"modified":"2018-10-02T13:36:51","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T17:36:51","slug":"if-youre-not-uncomfortable-youre-not-leading","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2010\/09\/if-youre-not-uncomfortable-youre-not-leading\/","title":{"rendered":"If you&#039;re not uncomfortable, you&#039;re not leading"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>People don\u2019t like to be uncomfortable. <\/strong>I cannot recall the last time I had a conversation a leader where the subject of \u201cdifficult conversations\u201d about performance did not come up as one of their most feared situations.\u00a0 Second to that is concern about telling people that \u201cchange is coming.\u201d\u00a0 Meanwhile, we face the reality that forward progress inevitably requires change, and change itself is uncomfortable.\u00a0 What\u2019s a leader to do?<br \/>\n<strong>If you want to be effective as a leader, you\u2019ve got to get over yourself.<\/strong> While you may prefer to spend all your time in a happy, comfortable world where everyone does their job well and processes always work, that is, in the end, a fantasy world in which your role is unnecessary.\u00a0 The <em>raison d&#8217;\u00eatre<\/em> \u2013 the core justification \u2013 for your job is to solve problems, to declare new futures, to reallocate resources, and to name the elephants in the room.<br \/>\n<strong>In other words, your role by definition requires that you create discomfort, both for you and for others.<\/strong> I\u2019m not advocating for \u201ccontrol freaks\u201d or for those with anger issues to run amok in the workplace, because those behaviors create a dysfunctional form of discomfort.\u00a0 I\u2019m simply reminding you that you must, in today\u2019s fast-moving world, continually stir the pot of change, and regularly challenge your team members to step up their game \u2013 and hold people accountable for delivering on their commitments.<br \/>\n<strong>In order to create discomfort, you must regularly practice that emotional state; you must become friends with unease, concern, nervousness, and even trepidation. <\/strong>When you become intentionally familiar with those emotions in small doses, you will gradually strengthen your ability to manage them.\u00a0 You will find yourself more capable of holding difficult conversations because you\u2019ll be confident in your ability to \u201clive through the experience.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>How do you \u201cpractice\u201d feeling comfortable with discomfort?<\/h2>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Start by having small      conversations about minor concerns. <\/strong> Address little      performance issues as they occur, so that the conversations can be about      improvement versus \u201cyour job is in jeopardy.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Rehearse your      conversations with a coach or colleague. <\/strong>Many      times the fear of delivering a difficult message dissipates when you speak      it aloud in a practice session \u2013 so by the time you have the \u2018real\u2019      conversation, your system is already used to the message.<\/li>\n<li><strong>When a change is      imminent, start talking with people about the high-level issues and      direction even before you know all the details.<\/strong> By the time the final details emerge you      and the team will have already gotten gradually used to the idea(s).<\/li>\n<li><strong>Have difficult      conversations as quickly as you can after an issue emerges.<\/strong> 90%+ of the \u201cdrama\u201d and discomfort comes      not from the issue but from your thinking (and thinking and thinking)      about it, and creating stories about what might happen.\u00a0 Act before your imagination freaks you      out.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><strong>Remember: Leadership is not about a title<\/strong>.\u00a0 Anyone can be a leader who can step into the discomfort of a difficult conversation, knowing that on the other side of that discomfort lays greater potential for progress, accomplishment, and a more positive workplace experience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>People don\u2019t like to be uncomfortable. I cannot recall the last time I had a conversation a leader where the subject of \u201cdifficult conversations\u201d about performance did not come up as one of their most feared situations.\u00a0 Second to that is concern about telling people that \u201cchange is coming.\u201d\u00a0 Meanwhile, we face the reality that &#8230; <a title=\"If you&#039;re not uncomfortable, you&#039;re not leading\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2010\/09\/if-youre-not-uncomfortable-youre-not-leading\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about If you&#039;re not uncomfortable, you&#039;re not leading\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,58,11],"tags":[191,152,222,321],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>If you&#039;re not uncomfortable, you&#039;re not leading - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2010\/09\/if-youre-not-uncomfortable-youre-not-leading\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"If you&#039;re not uncomfortable, you&#039;re not leading - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"People don\u2019t like to be uncomfortable. I cannot recall the last time I had a conversation a leader where the subject of \u201cdifficult conversations\u201d about performance did not come up as one of their most feared situations.\u00a0 Second to that is concern about telling people that \u201cchange is coming.\u201d\u00a0 Meanwhile, we face the reality that ... 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