{"id":1780,"date":"2011-04-21T06:39:10","date_gmt":"2011-04-21T10:39:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifewithhappiness.com\/?p=1780"},"modified":"2018-10-03T15:59:52","modified_gmt":"2018-10-03T19:59:52","slug":"dont-let-the-crabs-pull-you-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2011\/04\/dont-let-the-crabs-pull-you-down\/","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Let the Crabs Pull You Down!"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n A most fascinating thing occurred during a keynote talk last week, which inspired this month\u2019s newsletter topic.<\/p>\n My subject was Happiness (of course!) and d<\/strong>uring my talk I was marginally aware of the fact that a woman at the table just to my right \u2013 and in the front row \u2013 kept muttering and making a gagging noise during the talk.<\/strong> She was being \u201cjust\u201d loud enough to carry across the table to her coworkers, but not so loud that the company president \u2013 who sat on the other side of the room \u2013 could hear.\u00a0 Since I\u2019m used to speaking while people are eating or dishes are being cleared, her behavior did not affect me; I was simply aware it was going on. Every summer when we go to the beach, we go crabbing <\/strong>at least once on the marsh side of the island, armed with string and some bait.\u00a0 As we net our catch, we toss them into a bucket.\u00a0 Once we catch a dozen or more crabs, they create enough mass in the bottom that any one of them could easily climb out on the backs of their fellow crabs. Crabs usually reveal themselves through their language.<\/strong> Sometimes their actions are physical (like the crabs in the bucket) but most often they are more subtle, pulling you or others down with the weight of words: When you regularly practice any\/all of the above<\/strong> you may find that, after awhile, the crabs stop bothering you because they no longer get a reaction! How Do You Recognize a Crab in Your World? Crabs usually reveal themselves through their language. Sometimes their actions are physical (like the crabs in the bucket) but most often they are more subtle, pulling you or others down with the weight of words…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[274,40,50],"tags":[345,244,60],"yoast_head":"\n
\nNear the end of the talk I had everyone in the room stand up for a quick mind-body exercise.\u00a0 I\u2019ve done this hundreds of times, and it\u2019s a lot of fun. <\/strong> The \u201cgagger\u201d \u2013 as I\u2019d now named her in my head \u2013 created a tiny \u201cscene\u201d at her table when she refused to stand or participate.\u00a0 Again, I\u2019ve had that happen before. \u00a0But what happened next was what fascinated me.
\nAs I continued my talk, I stood up on a chair, so the drama at the front table unfolded right in front of me.<\/strong> First, the gagger, who was nearly purple in her face (Anger? Embarrassment?) nearly crawled up the arm of the woman next to her until she convinced her to sit back down.\u00a0 Then she did the same with the woman on her left.\u00a0 So now, as the activity commenced, there were three sitting and five standing at the table.
\nI focused on the larger audience, so I don\u2019t know exactly what happened during the exercise<\/strong>.\u00a0 But as I finished and looked to my right, two more people had been convinced to sit down, one remained standing but looking intensely uncomfortable\u2026 and the other two who were standing had moved several paces away from the table and were focused on me.
\nAfter the talk, many people came up to apologize for what happened.\u00a0 I just chuckled and reminded them of a two key points from the talk: one, you can\u2019t change other people, only yourself; and two, happiness is a decision.<\/strong> And clearly, that is a decision the gagger is not ready to make!<\/p>\nLike Crabs in a Bucket<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
\nBut we\u2019ve never had a crab escape.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because every time a crab reaches to grab the rim of the bucket and achieve freedom, all the other crabs swarm that one and haul it back down. <\/strong>It\u2019s as if they\u2019re saying, \u201cHey, if I\u2019m stuck here, I\u2019m gonna make sure you\u2019re stuck, too!\u201d
\nAfter awhile, even the most ambitious crabs stop trying and lay down with the others<\/strong>.\u00a0 They all die together.<\/p>\nHow Do You Recognize a Crab in Your World?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
\nYou’ll never get into that school.
\nForget it; you don’t have that much talent.
\nYou could never do that.
\nNo one will want to hire you!
\nThey won\u2019t listen to you.\u00a0 They won\u2019t give you a chance.
\nWhy even bother? The system is fixed anyway.
\nThat\u2019s so stupid\/they\u2019re idiots.
\nThere’s no way you can afford that.
\nWho do you think you are anyway?\u00a0 So, you think you’re better than us?
\nYou’re not smart enough.
\nYou’re not pretty enough.
\nYou’re not skinny enough.
\nYou’re not good enough.<\/span><\/em>
\nNone of these statements have truth \u2013 they are just assessments someone else is using on you.\u00a0 Crabs, remember, cannot tolerate having others move up in the world\u2026 so they do what they can to keep you down in the muck where they live. <\/strong>
\nThe real sadness is when you hear something so often that you start to believe it is true. It is not true, but it will become true if you let the crabs pull you down!<\/strong><\/p>\n6 Tips for Dealing with Crabs In Your Life<\/span><\/h2>\n
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\n~~~~~~~~~~
\nT<\/strong>he 13 Principles of Happiness<\/a>, when practiced regularly, can inoculate you against the power of crabs<\/strong>.\u00a0 Visit my\u00a013 principles of happiness<\/a>\u00a0article, to download a colorful 1-page PDF Poster.\u00a0 Post it on your workplace wall or your fridge at home, and try to live principle each day!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"