{"id":1813,"date":"2011-05-20T16:03:15","date_gmt":"2011-05-20T20:03:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifewithhappiness.com\/?p=1813"},"modified":"2018-10-02T13:36:49","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T17:36:49","slug":"stop-managing-start-leading-your-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2011\/05\/stop-managing-start-leading-your-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Managing, Start Leading Your Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

For the past 13 years, in my writing and my speaking, I\u2019ve been quite deliberate in my use of the word, Leadership. <\/strong>Only recently have I realized the degree to which I assumed <\/em>that everyone who reads or hears my message understands exactly what I mean by that word.\u00a0 Not!
\nMost people, I\u2019ve learned, think the terms Manager and Leader are interchangeable<\/strong>.\u00a0 I use these words to define two different<\/em> roles <\/strong>we must play to be successful, at work and in life.\u00a0 Both are important, yet in different ways \u2013 and the most successful among us strive to achieve a balance between the two.
\nThis chart shows a sampling of the distinctions I make between the two mindsets: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n

Manager Mindset:<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/td>\n

\n

Leader Mindset<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

Command, Control
\nTask Focus
\nCompliance with Expectations
\nMetrics & Measurement
\nMaintain the System
\nReactive stance
\nSafety & Predictability
\nEfficiency (doing things right)<\/td>\n		Communication, Conversation
\nPersonal Presence
\nEngagement with Vision
\nPeople & Relationships
\nBuild New Systems
\nProactive stance
\nRisk & Discomfort
\nEffectiveness (doing the right things)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

WE LIVE IN A MANAGEMENT CULTURE<\/strong><\/span>
\nWe live in a culture that obsesses over control of outcomes, predictability, and immediate gratification (short-term results), which is really a Manager mindset.<\/strong> It\u2019s important to get results, it\u2019s important to have rules and predictability.\u00a0 Yet if we spend all of our time there, our world is reduced to the pursuit of Perfection (impossible) and the belief that we are always supposed to be \u201cin control\u201d (an illusion) and have a Fix for every problem.\u00a0 Thus, we are constantly set up for disappointment.
\nWe often agree, in general, that much of what we\u2019ve been doing is no longer working, and we want things to change. <\/strong>But what we really mean when we say we want change is that we want for everyone else <\/em>to change, and for us to get what we want without discomfort.
\nManagers, who are fabulous at maintaining the status quo, cannot take us into the future.\u00a0 Leaders are those who declare a future that is different from the past \u2013 and that takes courage and requires that we let go of the familiar to step into the unknown. <\/strong>
\nYet in our culture, we often punish leaders, because they make us uncomfortable \u2013 <\/strong>even when we agree with them.\u00a0 <\/strong>
\nEACH OF US HAS A MANAGER AND A LEADER INSIDE OF US <\/strong><\/span>
\nYour internal Manager (aka Habit) keeps your physical, emotional, and assessment systems running in the background<\/strong>, so you don\u2019t have to think about everything all the time.\u00a0 Your Manager also provides feedback on your \u201cperformance,\u201d and points out when others are creating problems for you.\u00a0 Most importantly, your Manager works hard to keep things predictable.\u00a0 .
\nYour internal Leader challenges you to learn and evolve. <\/strong>Your Leader wants to have conversations about vision and values and a new future, and asks, \u201care you sure you\u2019re heading in the right direction?\u201d\u00a0 Your Leader strives to build better connections with others; and most importantly, pushes you out of your comfort zone and reminds you when what you are doing is out of sync with what you say you want — if you choose to listen<\/strong>!
\nWHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH HAPPINESS?<\/strong><\/span>
\nWhen you find yourself \u201cstuck,\u201d it\u2019s often because you have stopped listening to your internal Leader.
\nTo Lead Your Life, you must: <\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  • Declare a different future. <\/strong>Create a new vision for your life.\u00a0 Reexamine your personal values and notice where your behavior does not align with what you SAY is important.\u00a0 Then take action to change. <\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Take personal responsibility for You.<\/strong> Let go of (ever) blaming others for anything that happens.\u00a0 You are always half of every relationship, and when you choose to change, you can transform your outcomes.<\/li>\n
  • Reach out to others for support. <\/strong>Build a team around you (which can include a Coach, of course!) and leverage others to keep you moving in a new direction and hold you accountable to your promises.<\/li>\n
  • Risk, Fail, Learn, and Grow. <\/strong>Any behavior that\u2019s not working for you can be changed (even if your internal Manager resists).\u00a0 Try new approaches to how you walk, talk, sit, stand, think, and even how you breathe.\u00a0 You will feel uncomfortable and you will experience some failure.\u00a0 Adjust, then practice, practice, practice the new approach.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Accept That Perfection is a Myth. <\/strong>Embrace that being effective <\/em>for the long run is more important than being perfect.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Go with the Flow\/Let go of Control. <\/strong>Real Leaders accept that they can set a direction but cannot obsess over every detail.\u00a0 And learning to ride the wave is more realistic than trying to control it.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    When you give more power to your internal Leader, you increase your capacity to enjoy life and adjust to what the world throws at you. <\/strong>You will spend less time in anxiety and fear and more time creating the possibility for Happiness, joy, and calm. <\/strong>
    \nMost importantly, you will feel more confident and powerful in your own skin.<\/strong>
    \nFINAL NOTE ON THE JOURNEY:<\/strong><\/span>
    \nManagement is a skill set<\/strong>, a set of learned tools that you can apply consistently in similar situations.\u00a0 Preserve your personal management skills, because they keep you on course.
    \nLeadership is a journey<\/strong>, not a specific destination.\u00a0 While there is a broad set of skills and tools you can master to be a great leader, the truth is that, no matter where you are right now, there is another dimension of Leadership ahead of you.\u00a0 Keep learning, because the road ahead is sure to be bumpy and the better your adaptation skills, the happier you\u2019ll be!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Many people think the terms Manager and Leader are interchangeable. I use these words to define two DIFFERENT roles we must play to be successful, at work and in life. Both are important, yet in different ways \u2013 and the most successful among us strive to achieve a balance between the two…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,40],"tags":[222,301],"yoast_head":"\nStop Managing, Start Leading Your Life - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2011\/05\/stop-managing-start-leading-your-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stop Managing, Start Leading Your Life - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Many people think the terms Manager and Leader are interchangeable. 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