I recently received a bit of wisdom from a colleague of mine, and it was very important in a conversation I had today with a client, so I”m passing on to you.<\/p>\n
Nice is about what the other person is thinking and feeling<\/strong>\u2013it\u2019s their perception of the situation. <\/span> When you fail to provide critical steering feedback to a team member who is heading down the wrong path, <\/strong>you are being nice.\u00a0 They will go home and feel good about you and the workplace.\u00a0 When you intentionally create an UNCOMFORTABLE conversation in which you share your observations and engage that person around improving, you are being Kind.\u00a0 For if no one tells them, how will they know of the issue?
\nKind is about what you choose to do and why. <\/strong><\/span>
\nWhen you want to be nice it\u2019s because you want to please the other person; <\/strong>you want everyone to be happy. When you want to be kind it\u2019s because you want to do what is right regardless of how other people feel about it. Nice is permissive. Kind is grace-based discipline<\/span>
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\nIf I want to be nice to my children I will give them what they want, not do what is needed, <\/strong>seek to please them and hope they like me. If I want to be kind to my children I will give them blessings, do what they need, seek to teach them and hope they learn. Nice manipulates. Kindness trains.<\/span><\/p>\nWhat is the lesson for leadership and life? <\/span><\/h3>\n
\nIf you have a friend who’s lost their job, it’s probably important to be Nice to them for a short time. <\/strong>Let them cry on your couch.\u00a0 Invite them over for drinks and a chance to vent about the mean old company.\u00a0 But don’t be nice forever.\u00a0 As a friend, you must be Kind, and look your friend in the eyes and say, “You need to find a job, and you can’t do that from your couch.\u00a0 I’m happy to help you create a more positive story about your last boss, but I’m not going to listen to the old story anymore.\u00a0 It’s time, my friend, to get over it.”
\nIf you really, truly want what’s best for yourself and for others, think beyond what will allow everyone to feel good about THIS conversation. <\/strong>Instead, think ahead and, if necessary, step into a NEW conversation that may feel uncomfortable, yet will provide the push or shove or difficult feedback — and support — for what is needed in the future.
\nBe Kind, not Nice.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"