{"id":1913,"date":"2011-09-28T06:07:28","date_gmt":"2011-09-28T10:07:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifewithhappiness.com\/?p=1913"},"modified":"2018-10-02T13:36:48","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T17:36:48","slug":"you-always-have-the-power-to-change-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2011\/09\/you-always-have-the-power-to-change-you\/","title":{"rendered":"You always have the Power to Change YOU"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you have things or situations in your life that cause you to go, “ugh!”? <\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

I call them Tolerations — things you “put up with” in your life. <\/strong>Because they are often small and invisible, they create stress without your awareness; they drain your energy.
\nHappiness Principle #6 reads:<\/em><\/strong> Tolerate Nothing.<\/strong> Continually identify and eliminate all the little \u201cstuff\u201d which causes you friction and drains your energy.<\/em>
\nWhen I introduce people to the concept of Tolerations <\/a><\/strong>they often list issues they are tolerating, but then they get overwhelmed when they consider how much WORK it’s going to take to address them.<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 Stop.\u00a0 It doesn’t have to be about you changing them — it’s about you changing YOU, which is a lot easier. <\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Here’s the thing: people are people, and situations are situations. <\/strong> They are neither good nor bad, hard nor easy.\u00a0 It is your ASSESSMENT of a person or situation that creates your stress, and many times the easiest way to reduce your stress is to change the story you tell yourself.
\nExample: For several years, my gym time overlapped with that of a guy I\u2019ll call \u201cGreg.\u201d<\/strong> Greg worked out six days a week, and was in superb physical condition, via swimming, weights, and cardio work.\u00a0 AND Greg was a neat freak\/germophobe.\u00a0 Each time I crossed his path he would comment on a leaky sink, the odor in the bathroom, insufficient hot water in the showers, etc, etc.\u00a0 I regularly agreed with him, and we\u2019d have a little pity party\u2026.
\nAnd I would leave the gym feeling stressed and a little down. <\/strong>
\nWhat Greg said was true — stuff wasn’t working. <\/strong>Also true: this was a 60-year old YMCA building, and Greg issues were related to the aging facilities.\u00a0 One day this situation came up in my tolerations work, and I realized I was whining<\/strong>.\u00a0 So I adjusted my thinking and my behavior.
\nIn working on myself, I also became aware of what Greg was doing. <\/strong>So I asked him, \u201cIf you have so many problems with the place, why do you keep working out here?\u201d\u00a0 Greg looked at me with surprise.\u00a0 His first reaction was, \u201cI\u2019ve been coming here for years!\u201d and I came back with, \u201cSo have I, Greg\u2026 and I cannot think of a time when these were not issues.\u00a0 You are arguing with reality.\u00a0 Do you realize that you are tolerating these conditions?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cTolerating?\u201d\u00a0 I explained what I meant, and he pondered that as he dressed and left.
\nI never saw Greg again at the YMCA. <\/strong>However, we traveled in overlapping business circles, and two months later I saw him at a networking event.\u00a0 He came over to shake my hand and said, \u201cYou were right.\u00a0 I obsessed about that place, and yet I had the power to change the situation all along.\u00a0 I found another gym that I like better.\u00a0 Thank you for showing me that I was putting up with the situation.\u00a0 It was not them that needed to change \u2013 it was me!\u201d
\nAnd that\u2019s the point of Tolerations. <\/strong>If you are unaware of something that is draining you, it will continue to Zap your energy.<\/strong> The tolerations exercise gives you the opportunity to say, \u201cthat bugs me,\u201d out loud, and really acknowledge it.
\nOnce you do that, you have choices that you did NOT have when it was invisible to you<\/strong>.\u00a0 You can CHOOSE to remain and whine about it, OR…you can choose to take action, make a plan, make a request of someone else, or even\u2026
\n\u2026change your thinking about it. <\/strong>Note the contrast between how Greg and I experienced the same reality \u2013 shower facilities occasionally smelled and needed constant repair:<\/p>\n