{"id":1973,"date":"2011-10-20T06:31:16","date_gmt":"2011-10-20T10:31:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifewithhappiness.com\/?p=1973"},"modified":"2018-10-03T16:01:40","modified_gmt":"2018-10-03T20:01:40","slug":"nine-strategies-to-avoid-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2011\/10\/nine-strategies-to-avoid-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"NINE STRATEGIES TO AVOID HAPPINESS"},"content":{"rendered":"

Nine Strategies to Avoid Happiness: How to Live as a Victim and Still Control the World!<\/span><\/strong>
\n1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Take Everything and Everyone for Granted. <\/strong>After all, it\u2019s their job to take care of you, right?\u00a0 Practice rudeness, then sneer at the ones who can\u2019t handle it.\u00a0 On those rare occasions when someone meets your impossibly high expectations, be sure to point out something that wasn\u2019t perfect, even if you have to make it up.
\nWhat to Avoid: <\/strong>Never say \u201cThank You\u201d or express Appreciation for anything.\u00a0 Gratitude totally kills the buzz of a bad mood.
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cultivate Pessimism. <\/strong>The world is a dark and dangerous place; make it your mission to remind people of that.\u00a0 No matter what anyone suggests, frown and say, \u201cThat will never work!\u201d\u00a0 Scan the global weather channel daily so when people say \u201cgood morning\u201d to you, you can remind them of a recent earthquake, typhoon, fire, or flood.
\nExercise: <\/strong>Practice slumping, frowning, and rolling your eyes to deepen your skill.
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Use Social Comparison as a Weapon. <\/strong>When you notice any positive self-talk happening, immediately think of someone who is smarter, prettier, or more skilled than you \u2013 that will tamp down Self-Confidence before it gets out of control.\u00a0 When a coworker receives recognition for their work, ice that down quickly by pointing out, \u201cI\u2019ve seen better.\u201d
\nChild-rearing Tip:<\/strong> when your child brings home an essay or artwork, put on a Sad face and say, \u201ctoo bad you\u2019re not talented like <insert name of a friend<\/em>> is.\u201d
\n4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Never Give Anyone a Break.<\/strong> Make \u2018No\u2019 your favorite word.\u00a0 Never give of yourself, and for heaven\u2019s sake avoid volunteerism.\u00a0 Performing Acts of Kindness releases serotonin in your brain, which makes you feel better \u2013 and that\u2019s the last thing you want!
\nBonus Tip: <\/strong>Being mean to someone in public carries causes most bystanders to feel a little Depressed or Angry all day.\u00a0 Double your impact!
\n5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Push Other People Away.<\/strong> Isn\u2019t it annoying when your family and friends try to \u201ctake care of you?\u201d \u00a0Stay strong!\u00a0 Keep declining invitations until they stop coming; then complain about Abandonment.\u00a0 If you must attend, sit in a corner and whine about something irrelevant.
\nSpecial note about pets:<\/strong> Avoid warm-blooded pets, which tend to form icky Emotional bonds.\u00a0 If you must<\/em> have a pet, get a lizard, fish, or something with a reptile brain \u2013 there\u2019s no risk they will ever care about you!
\n6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Reject Simplicity.<\/strong> CNN apparently thinks you can handle three to six simultaneous streaming data feeds, so stay connected to The Grid at all times.\u00a0 Respond to every email or call immediately (your global clients will be impressed when you respond at 4AM your time).
\nSpecial note: <\/strong>When you slow down and allow yourself to enjoy just one thing in the present moment, you risk allowing Happiness and Joy to take root.\u00a0 So keep it complex!
\n7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Avoid Commitment.<\/strong> According to Barry Schwartz\u2019s work on the Paradox of Choice, having more options does not make us happier; in fact, we get more stressed.\u00a0 So keep your options wide open!\u00a0 Shun goal-writing exercises, as those create undesirable consequences like greater focus and discovery of your life purpose.\u00a0 Live randomly and put off decisions until you have 100% of all data (which of course will be\u2026never).
\nBonus:<\/strong> Lacking a strong foundation, you need never Respond rationally to anything; instead, you will strengthen your Anxiety muscles and get really good at living in React mode.
\n8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sit Down! <\/strong>Did you know that studies of clinically Depressed people prove consistent exercise raises Happiness levels as much as Zoloft?\u00a0 This is why you must guard against Wellness (a thinly disguised conspiracy to control your life).\u00a0 Skip all health seminars, and when they start distributing salads and pedometers in the company cafeteria, drive to lunch at McDonalds.\u00a0 Look, if your Physical energy improves through better Self-Care, it will naturally pull up your Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual energies, and you can\u2019t let that happen!
\nCaution: <\/strong>If you accept even a tiny responsibility for personal Well-Being, it\u2019s a slippery slope.\u00a0 Soon you\u2019ll be expected to manage your own Happiness, too, and how unfair is that?!
\n9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nurture Resentment. <\/strong>Never let go of anything.\u00a0 Remember, Forgiveness is for weaklings.\u00a0 It takes a determined person (like you) to hold on to all those old slights \u2013 real and imagined — and still endure the new crap that\u2019s getting dumped on you.
\nTake it a level deeper: <\/strong>Plan regular time to Obsess about someone who wronged you in the past.\u00a0 Daily attention ensures your negative emotions remain at a constant simmer, burning away your immune system.\u00a0 You\u2019ll get sick more often, of course, which will give you lots of opportunity to Hate those people who did this to you!
\nRemember, Practice builds stronger muscles<\/strong>.\u00a0 Exercise at least one of these nine daily, and soon you\u2019ll find yourself snugly tucked away at the bottom of the Deep Dark Pit of Despair, finally safe from all those nasty \u201chappy\u201d people who, by the way, are totally out of touch with the way the world really works.
\nBut you know the Truth, don\u2019t you?\u00a0 BWAHAHAHA!<\/strong>
\n~~~~~~~~~~
\nT<\/strong>he 13 Principles of Happiness<\/strong> offers the opposite of what you want.\u00a0 DO NOT VISIT \/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/happiness\/philosophies.cfm<\/a> to download them.\u00a0 If you practice any of those 13 habits, you\u2019ll never achieve your goal of UNhappiness.
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Nine Strategies to Avoid Happiness: How to Live as a Victim and Still Control the World! (you’ll have to go there to learn more. Bwahaha!)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[274,40],"tags":[115,60,356],"yoast_head":"\nNINE STRATEGIES TO AVOID HAPPINESS - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2011\/10\/nine-strategies-to-avoid-happiness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"NINE STRATEGIES TO AVOID HAPPINESS - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Nine Strategies to Avoid Happiness: How to Live as a Victim and Still Control the World! 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