{"id":4569,"date":"2017-11-14T12:58:12","date_gmt":"2017-11-14T17:58:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/?p=4569"},"modified":"2018-10-02T17:00:42","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T21:00:42","slug":"do-the-holidays-make-you-stressed-focus-on-the-giving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2017\/11\/do-the-holidays-make-you-stressed-focus-on-the-giving\/","title":{"rendered":"DO THE HOLIDAYS MAKE YOU STRESSED? FOCUS ON THE GIVING."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
\nDo The Holidays Make You Stressed?<\/strong>
\nNext week in the United States we celebrate Thanksgiving, <\/strong>a holiday rooted in our agricultural past, when all would gather to give thanks for a good harvest that would see the community through a harsh winter.
\nI confess that, for all the holiday’s focus on gratitude, I am not a fan of Thanksgiving. <\/strong>When I was younger, I thought Thanksgiving was about two things I thoroughly disliked: football and funerals. Two of my grandparents were buried Thanksgiving week. Then my dad died on Tuesday before Thanksgiving. My baby brother learned just before Thanksgiving that his cancer had returned. Thanksgiving was the first major family event that my wife and I had to face after our daughter died.
\nOn top of that, there\u2019s the societal pressure to always make it \u201cperfect.\u201d<\/strong> A beautiful turkey. A Pinterest-worthy pie. Really?!
\nI keep a gratitude practice, so it is ironic that on a day set aside for giving thanks, I don’t always feel it. <\/strong>Can you forgive me for feeling a bit sad when this holiday comes around?
\nOver many years of coaching and conversation, I\u2019ve learned that I\u2019m not alone in feeling stress and overwhelm during the end of year holiday season.<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t help that immediately following Thanksgiving, the US retail mega-machine kicks into overdrive, screaming \u201cbuy, give gifts, buy, spend money, buy!\u201d A part of me just says, Ugh!
\nA friend recently shared a poem that speaks of sharing Smiles<\/strong>. Reading the poem led to deeper reflection on the GIVING part of Thanksgiving, and the question, \u201cbesides Smiles, what else is mine to give?\u201d
\nAs we enter a time of year focused on materiality and \u201cstuff,\u201d I invite you to consider how you might wrap and deliver different sorts of \u201cgifts\u201d that will cost nothing, reduce stress, and maybe change your world!<\/strong>
\nWHAT\u2019S YOURS TO GIVE? <\/strong>
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Smiles. <\/strong>When you share a smile, it\u2019s a universal language \u2014 across cultures, organizational levels, and all demographics. It\u2019s a no cost, mood-shifting, gift that keeps on giving.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Appreciation.<\/strong> My wife has a habit of embarrassing people, in a really good way. When she experiences excellent service (in a restaurant or retail store, especially), she will ask the clerk or server to introduce her to the manager. I love to watch a nervous shift manager\u2019s face light up as they realize they are receiving praise, not a complaint; then I watch them hurry away to share the feedback. It takes my wife less than a minute to raise the happiness level of at least three people \u2014 herself, the manager, and the person who delivered our service.
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Helpful Feedback.<\/strong> I\u2019ve learned that most people are starving for feedback for themselves, yet rarely offer it to others because they are afraid of not being liked. Get over yourself! When you muster the courage to offer constructive\u2014and immediate\u2013feedback to others, you both grow stronger.
\n4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Kindness. <\/strong>Reaching out to support someone else positively affects two people: the person you helped\u2013and you!
\n5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Compassion.<\/strong> We often try to \u201cfix\u201d people when they show up in a strong emotion. Instead, simply hold the space for someone else\u2019s emotions, whether allowing them to grieve, vent frustration, or celebrate an accomplishment. People just want to feel heard.
\n6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Time.<\/strong> Everyone is busy these days. When you show up and give of your time, you are a gift.
\n7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Benefit of the Doubt. <\/strong>In a world grown increasingly polarized, strive to be someone who Assumes Positive Intent when people cross your path. Do you get out of bed each day determined to screw up and irritate others? No? Well, \u201cthey\u201d don\u2019t either.
\n8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Love.<\/strong> For several years of my yoga practice, I often had soreness in my shoulders after a workshop. One day a new instructor suggested, \u201cin every asana (pose) keep your heart open.\u201d In yoga, this means pulling the shoulders down and back, whether you\u2019re on the ground, balancing on one leg, or upside down. I learned to lead with my heart, and all the pain dropped away. I try to approach every interaction from the same place: with an open heart. Try it \u2014 it makes a difference!
\n9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Chocolate. <\/strong>Of course. (Note: this is the only item on my list that will cost money)
\n10.\u00a0Compliments. <\/strong>A woman at my church always wears her hair as an elaborate, curled confection. I saw her last week in an unguarded moment with her sleek, grey mane down and simply parted, and I thought she looked quite elegant. I asked, \u201cCan I offer you a compliment?\u201d I saw uncertainty wash across her face, followed by a slow, \u201c\u2026oh-kay.\u201d I love the look in people\u2019s eyes when I tell them I think they look great, or happy, or \u201cthat color looks spectacular on you!\u201d
\n11.\u00a0A Safe Space.<\/strong> One of my favorite essays on Listening includes this line: \u201cListen!<\/em> All I ask is that you listen<\/em>, not talk or do, just hear me.\u201d It\u2019s a reminder that people don\u2019t need to be \u201cfixed,\u201d for they are not broken. Most people can work through their own issues if they just have space to talk it out. Give the gift of Listening without Speaking.
\n12.\u00a0Honesty. <\/strong>Even if it\u2019s not comfortable for you, speak the truth.
\n13.\u00a0Respect.<\/strong> From the Latin, re-<\/em>, \u2018back\u2019 + specere<\/em>, \u2018to look\u2019 \u2014 it means to look again, to reconsider what you see. Give to others the gift of moving past your assumptions, your first impressions, your biases \u2014 and look back at who they really are.
\n14.\u00a0Gratitude. <\/strong>Sincere thanks \u2014 a gift that\u2019s surprisingly difficult to give. How many times have your offered a \u201cThank You\u201d and had the other person deflect or give it back, e.g. \u201coh, it was nothing. No worries. I couldn\u2019t have done it without my team.\u201d Pause, look them in the eye, and repeat what you just said. \u201cI mean it. Thank you.\u201d Help them receive that gift!
\n15.\u00a0A Hug.<\/strong> HUG stands for Human Understanding Given, and a perfect hug is one in which you gently embrace another, heart to heart, for a full breath. If you\u2019re in a situation in which touching is not appropriate, a two-handed clasp and face-to-face eye contact can still accomplish a moment of human connection.
\n16.\u00a0Advice Without Attachment.<\/strong> Can you do that? Offer an idea, advice, or counsel, to another without pushing them to agree to it? When you give support without requiring the other person to agree with it, you honor their own wisdom to choose what\u2019s best for them.
\n17.\u00a0Acceptance. <\/strong>We all love to celebrate our own Uniqueness, right? Yet often when we encounter people who do not conform to our idea of \u2018normal,\u2019 our fear response kicks in and we judge. That person, who is proudly gay\/gender non-conforming\/other religion\/different color\/blue hair, etc., is just embracing their own uniqueness. Divisive politics sometimes train people to dismiss others as good\/bad or right\/wrong. Resist that worldview. Accept and allow others to just be who they are. This is one of the greatest givings of all.<\/strong>
\n18.\u00a0A Smile, again<\/strong>. Remember that a smile is one of the most contagious things you can give away; people want to catch it from you.
\nI close with the poem my friend shared with me:<\/strong>
\nA smile cost nothing, but gives much. <\/em>
\nIt enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. <\/em>
\nIt takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. <\/em>
\nNone is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it. <\/em>
\nA smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship. <\/em>
\nIt brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and is nature’s best antidote for trouble. <\/em>
\nYet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. <\/em>
\nSome people are too tired to give you a smile. <\/em>
\nGive them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.<\/em>
\n~~Author Unknown<\/em>
\nThank you to all of my readers, clients, alumni, and tribe members.<\/strong> May you have something in your life for which you can feel grateful, and many opportunities to give to others of your gifts and talents.
\nRemember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a leader who gives of themselves to make a better workplace or world.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do The Holidays Make You Stressed? Next week in the United States we celebrate Thanksgiving, a holiday rooted in our agricultural past, when all would gather to give thanks for a good harvest that would see the community through a harsh winter. I confess that, for all the holiday’s focus on gratitude, I am not … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,274,11,40],"tags":[476,30,41,60],"yoast_head":"\nDO THE HOLIDAYS MAKE YOU STRESSED? 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