{"id":4613,"date":"2018-03-20T13:17:46","date_gmt":"2018-03-20T17:17:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/?p=4613"},"modified":"2018-10-02T13:36:38","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T17:36:38","slug":"what-is-happiness-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2018\/03\/what-is-happiness-to-you\/","title":{"rendered":"WHAT IS HAPPINESS TO YOU?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"color: #800080\"><b>~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><span style=\"color: #800080\">I. What Is Happiness To You?<\/span> <\/b><\/h3>\n<p><b>I recently began work with a coaching client based in Taipei, Taiwan. <\/b>\u00a0We are literally halfway around the world from each other geographically, yet both interested in the same topics. \u00a0As we began our work together, he shared that he was excited to work with a Happiness \u201cexpert,\u201d and sent me a many questions about Happiness in advance of our first conversation.<br \/>\n<b>I\u2019ve been studying Positive Psychology for nearly two decades, so I accept the label \u201cexpert\u201d to some degree; <\/b>but I\u2019m also a coach, one who believes that all my clients have access to more wisdom than they see in themselves. In addition, I thought the cultural context around happiness must be different through my American versus his Chinese lens.<br \/>\n<b>So I returned the questions to him and asked, how do YOU respond to these?<\/b> His response was so eloquent and authentic and complete that I felt inspired when I read it. \u00a0So I asked, \u201ccan I share this with my tribe?\u201d and he said Yes. So this month\u2019s essay blends two perspectives from opposite sides of the world.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #800080\"><b>Question 1: What do you believe to be true about happiness? \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>His response: <span style=\"color: #0000ff\">\u201c<b>Wow, that is such a big question.<\/b> Jim, with respect, I will humbly give it a try. \u00a0Please understand what I say are not definite facts, but simply my own beliefs.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #0000ff\">So here it goes, in no particular order.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Everything in life is a choice.<\/b> Happiness is also a choice.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Happiness does not come from what a person owns or has<\/b>, for instance, material possessions like money, house, car, job, title, or appearance\/image (if money truly brings happiness, then all rich people would be happy).<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Happiness is not determined by a person&#8217;s background or upbringing;<\/b> for example, a person can grow up in a broken home, or have a troubled past, and still choose to be happy. It&#8217;s possible that a child growing up in a rich family that has everything can become angry, insecure, or unhappy. It is also possible for a legless crippled orphan to grow up to inspire and change the world.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Happiness is a choice, a stand to take in life, a balcony to view life from. <\/b>I often say: if a person chooses to see the things that they have in life, they might find themselves to be rich (life is abundant). However, if the same person chooses to only see the things that they lack, they might feel themselves to be poor (life is scarce). Another example: almost every person in their lives has successes and failures, strengths and weaknesses. If a person only chooses to see their failures or shortcomings, they might feel unhappy. However, if the same person is willing to shift their focus to their success or strength, then happiness becomes a possibility.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>People who always compare themselves with others will often be unsatisfied.<\/b><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>A Giver sees the world as &#8220;abundant,\u201d <\/b>so they feel themselves capable to give, and giving and contribution can be a path to happiness. A Taker, someone who feels they &#8220;never have enough\u201d and sees the world as a &#8220;scarcity,\u201d will often live in unhappiness.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>A victim, someone who chooses to blame others, is seldom happy. <\/b>A responsible person, a person who accepts and owns up to all the results they have in life (both good or bad), might find themselves with more strength to reach happiness. Likewise, people who choose to always live in reasons, excuses, or justifications for their failures, taking no responsibility, will find themselves living in grudges.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Someone who chooses to hate, <\/b>chooses not to forgive others, or chooses not to &#8220;let go&#8221; of the past, will often find themselves distant from happiness.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>A person who chooses not to risk, not taking actions in life, will often find themselves in a closed loop. <\/b>No growth, no inspiration, no change; tomorrow is always same as yesterday. This type of attitude or mindset brings the opposite of happiness.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>A human being who does not relate to other human beings, <\/b>who does not develop relationships, intimacy, trust, openness, and most of all &#8220;love&#8221; with another person, might find happiness to be a closed door.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>A person who chooses not to love, or not to accept another person&#8217;s love, can find themselves unable to be happy.<\/b>\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #800080\"><b>Your Beliefs Are a Choice<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><b>If you\u2019ve been reading my work for a while, you\u2019ve probably guessed why this client\u2019s responses resonated so powerfully with me \u2014 because he keeps referring to choice.<\/b> \u00a0Someone who <i>chooses <\/i>this versus that will have a different experience. \u00a0Being a victim is a lot less work, of course, because it\u2019s easier to blame others than to do the hard work. \u00a0Yet choosing victimhood means the chooser \u201cwill often find themselves distant from happiness.\u201d<br \/>\n<b>I was also impressed with how universal his writing feels.<\/b> Opposite side of the world, very different culture, yet the truths he speaks could belong to any of us. \u00a0The search for happiness is a human search.<br \/>\n<b>Our correspondence eventually turned to how he lives out his beliefs about happiness. \u00a0<\/b>And of course that\u2019s the challenge we all face \u2014 what will we DO to build the new \u201cmuscles\u201d we need to live our choices? \u00a0Thus the final question:<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #800080\"><b>Question 2: What practice or practices would you ideally like to have in your life that you do not have today?\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>His response: <span style=\"color: #0000ff\">\u201c<b>The most obvious one would be an exercise and health regime<\/b>. I used to be an excellent athlete back in high school and college days, so I know what it takes to get fit, or get healthy.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Which brings me to a conclusion here.<\/b><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>Jim, I think I really struggle between the gap of <\/b><b><i>knowing<\/i><\/b><b> and <\/b><b><i>doing<\/i><\/b><b>.<\/b> <span style=\"color: #000000\"><i>[Don\u2019t we all?!]<\/i><\/span><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>I have worked with or coached many people on how to win or succeed in life.<\/b> I have also worked with people on happiness, relationships, success&#8230;etc. and honestly, I&#8217;m quite good at it.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Chinese people have an interesting saying that maybe best sums it all: <b><i>&#8220;I can take others across the river, but somehow, just not myself&#8221;.<\/i><\/b><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><b>I know many of these answers; I can even help many people to apply these answers<\/b>. However, I&#8217;m stuck on what I preach not always showing up in my own life.\u201d<\/span><br \/>\n<b>How many of you might have penned that last line yourself? \u00a0<\/b>You\u2019re great at advice, at helping others advance; yet you can\u2019t do it for yourself? \u00a0You can offer feedback to your team, but you don\u2019t always follow your own counsel? You can see others\u2019 flaws quite clearly, yet not your own?<br \/>\nP.S. That\u2019s one reason why the coaching profession exists \u2013 to support people on their journey &#8212; because <b>\u201cIf you could do it yourself, it would already be done!\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #800080\"><b>Do This For Yourself<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><b>Create your own coach. \u00a0<\/b>Select a behavior or habit you seek to change so that what you DO better aligns with what you BELIEVE. \u00a0Write it down.<br \/>\nThen seek out a friend, colleague, family member, boss, or even a co-worker or neighbor you don\u2019t know very well and ask, \u201c<b>Will you help me? \u00a0<\/b>All I need you to do is be a witness, as I declare a commitment to myself. \u00a0Then once a week, ask me how I\u2019m doing with my commitment. That\u2019s it.\u201d<br \/>\n<b>A coaching relationship exists when you ask for support and another human being says, \u201cyes, I will.\u201d \u00a0<\/b>You still have to do the work, of course. \u00a0But having to hold yourself accountable to a witness each week will increase your awareness about your choices.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #800080\"><b>Remember: Leadership is not about a title. \u00a0Anyone can be a leader who supports others in making better choices then building the new skills and habits to live into those choices!<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I. What Is Happiness To You? I recently began work with a coaching client based in Taipei, Taiwan. \u00a0We are literally halfway around the world from each other geographically, yet both interested in the same topics. \u00a0As we began our work together, he shared that he was excited to work with a Happiness \u201cexpert,\u201d &#8230; <a title=\"WHAT IS HAPPINESS TO YOU?\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2018\/03\/what-is-happiness-to-you\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about WHAT IS HAPPINESS TO YOU?\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[79,13,34,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","category-coaching","category-happiness","category-leadership","infinite-scroll-item"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>WHAT IS HAPPINESS TO YOU? - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2018\/03\/what-is-happiness-to-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"WHAT IS HAPPINESS TO YOU? - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I. What Is Happiness To You? I recently began work with a coaching client based in Taipei, Taiwan. \u00a0We are literally halfway around the world from each other geographically, yet both interested in the same topics. \u00a0As we began our work together, he shared that he was excited to work with a Happiness \u201cexpert,\u201d ... 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