{"id":5850,"date":"2020-09-24T11:46:16","date_gmt":"2020-09-24T15:46:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/?p=5850"},"modified":"2020-09-24T11:46:16","modified_gmt":"2020-09-24T15:46:16","slug":"this-too-shall-pass","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2020\/09\/this-too-shall-pass\/","title":{"rendered":"This Too Shall Pass"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n It is said that an eastern monarch once charged his wisemen to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and all situations. They presented him with the words: \u201cand this, too, shall pass away. \u201c<\/b>How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!<\/i><\/p>\n ~~Attributed to Abraham Lincoln, 16th<\/sup> US president<\/p>\n During the pandemic I\u2019ve been pulling down old books and scanning my margin notes. When I trained in 2002 as an Authentic Happiness Coach (yes, I\u2019m certified!) our core text was Martin Seligman\u2019s breakthrough book, Authentic Happiness<\/a>.<\/p>\n Seligman, a one-time president of the American Psychological Association, was widely respected for his research into Learned Helplessness; when he reversed to study Learned Optimism<\/u>, it led to a profound shift in his world view. You might say that Seligman\u2019s \u201cdiscovery\u201d of optimism as a learnable skill was the genesis of what later became Positive Psychology and the study of Happiness.<\/p>\n As the Pandemic Quarantine goes on (and on and on\u2026) I thought you\u2019d enjoy revisiting Seligman\u2019s two dimensions of optimism that have shaped my own thinking over the years: Permanence and Pervasiveness.<\/b><\/p>\n (NOTE: Portions of the following are adapted from Authentic Happiness, Chapter 6)<\/i><\/p>\n How do you react to bad events in your life?<\/b> People who give up easily believe the causes of the bad events in their lives are permanent \u2013 the bad stuff will always be there. People who resist helplessness believe the causes of bad events are temporary.<\/p>\n Examples of Permanent thinking<\/strong>:\u00a0I never remember dates. I\u2019m never on time. Bosses are incompetent. People in retail are rude.<\/p>\n Examples of Temporary thinking<\/b>: I was distracted that week. I was slowed by road construction. My boss was in a bad mood. The store was super busy today.<\/p>\n Notice that characterizing things as all\/always or none\/never comes from a pessimistic point of view<\/b>. If you think in terms of sometimes\/this time or naming short-lived explanations, you may have an optimistic style.<\/b><\/p>\n The explanation of good events is the opposite.<\/b> Those with an optimistic grounding believe good events have permanent causes, whereas pessimists will name transient causes such as unusual circumstances or random good fortune, things that may not be true in the future.<\/p>\n Examples of Permanent thinking:<\/b> I’m good at math. I\u2019m always lucky. I never have issues when I use that software.<\/p>\n Examples of Temporary thinking<\/b>: This test was easy. I guess I had a lucky day. The software was working this time.<\/p>\n Permanence is about time, while pervasiveness is about scope.<\/b><\/p>\n Consider a common pandemic circumstance.<\/b> Kim and Chen both worked in the hotel business and lost their positions when the lockdown began. While both were devastated by the loss, they responded differently.<\/p>\n Some people can put their problems in a box<\/b> and create the story, \u201cthat is awful,\u201d while others catastrophize and let one problem bleed all over everything<\/b> with the story, \u201clife is awful.\u201d<\/p>\n People like Chen, who make universal<\/i> explanations for events, behave as though the entire fabric of their life has unraveled. People like Kim, who make specific<\/i> explanations, may feel helpless in one area of life but understand that a rip in one part of the fabric does not destroy the entire garment.<\/p>\n I offer one more distinction, often called Locus of Control. <\/b><\/p>\n Imagine your life as a ship, floating on the Sea of Life.<\/b> Do you see yourself as the captain of that ship, up on deck, looking to the horizon and charting your course? Or are you below deck, in the dark, chained to an oar?\u00a0 These are the extremes on the scale of control.<\/p>\n The degree to which you sense your destiny is in the hands of external forces or other people, you may find it harder to accept responsibility or control for anything in your life.<\/b>\u00a0 Why bother? \u201cThey\u201d are in charge, after all. The upside of low locus of control is that nothing is your fault; the downside is that nothing you do will make a difference.<\/p>\n If you believe you control your destiny, you probably find it easier to accept accolades when your efforts create great outcomes and accept responsibility when you fail.<\/b> The upside of high locus of control is that you can take action to change what\u2019s not working; the downside is that you can\u2019t blame others \u2013 the party at fault is the one you see in the mirror!<\/p>\n Weaving those three sets of distinctions together, I trust you are noticing how you might build or strengthen Hope and Optimism in yourself and others<\/b> during Pandemic times.<\/p>\n I close with a reminder about the human condition:<\/b><\/p>\n This is why you are often baffled by other people\u2019s actions.<\/b> They. Are. NOT. You.<\/p>\n As the Talmud reminds us, \u201cWe do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n If you want to change the world, tell yourself a different story. Use an optimistic lens, and you\u2019ll enjoy the story more, even if the world does not change!<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" ARE YOU AN OPTIMIST OR A PESSIMIST? It is said that an eastern monarch once charged his wisemen to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and all situations. They presented him with the words: \u201cand this, too, shall pass away. \u201cHow … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5796,"featured_media":5851,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,119,34,47,40,21],"tags":[534,533,290,51,44,29,30,331,49,59,115,60],"yoast_head":"\nARE YOU AN OPTIMIST OR A PESSIMIST?<\/h2>\n
Permanence: Forever Vs. Temporary<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Pervasiveness: Universal vs. Specific<\/b><\/h3>\n
\n
Personal: Internal vs External Control<\/b><\/h3>\n
Increasing Hope and Optimism<\/b><\/h3>\n
\n
You Get to Write YOUR Story<\/b><\/h3>\n
\n