{"id":774,"date":"2013-02-16T18:37:05","date_gmt":"2013-02-16T18:37:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dev.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/?page_id=520"},"modified":"2018-10-02T13:36:44","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T17:36:44","slug":"self-care","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2013\/02\/self-care\/","title":{"rendered":"Give Yourself a Break: 13 Tips For Self-Care"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Exercise: Raise your hand if you\u2019ve recently engaged in any of the following activities:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Called someone a moron, a jerk, or an idiot?<\/li>\n<li>Screamed at someone for being stupid?<\/li>\n<li>Looked at someone and said, \u201cI can\u2019t stand the sight of you!\u201d?<\/li>\n<li>Pushed someone down then kicked them over and over and over?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What\u2019s that, you say? You\u00a0<em>never\u00a0<\/em>treat people that way? Okay. Let me ask the question differently.\u00a0<strong>Raise your hand if you\u2019ve done any of the following to\u00a0<em>yourself<\/em>:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Called yourself names<\/li>\n<li>Yelled at yourself for being \u2018stupid\u2019<\/li>\n<li>Expressed disgust with some aspect of yourself<\/li>\n<li>Kicked yourself repeatedly while you were down<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Hmm. I notice that most of your hands are now in the air. Welcome to being a Human Being \u2013 you live in judgment much of the time, and nobody can beat you up nearly as well as you can.<\/p>\n<h2>My Story<\/h2>\n<p>Just before I started my vacation, I wrapped up several coaching contracts. As is my practice, I sent out a request for feedback. In short order I received back six evaluations, and if I were to convert them to a grade, my \u2018report card\u2019 would have read like this: A, A, A-, A+, A, C. On a 4-point scale, my GPA would be 3.7, which is fabulous, right?<\/p>\n<p>Moreover, I had expected a poor assessment from the one client, who had consistently resisted the coaching. Yet still, I found myself sliding into a funk. The soundtrack in my head started playing \u201cyou\u2019re a bad coach\u201d over and again. Oooh, I hate it when my inner Gremlin starts that conversation. It\u2019s not true, yet still I listen. Down went my mood.<\/p>\n<p>You ever had an experience like mine \u2013 living in negative self-assessment? If you have, here are some tips that might help you move more quickly out of negativity the next time your Gremlin shows up.<\/p>\n<h2>The 13 Principles of Happiness: Self-Care Edition<\/h2>\n<ol>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Become Positively Self-ish<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">In Louise Hay\u2019s book,\u00a0<em>You Can Heal Your Life<\/em>, she offers a lovely exercise for taking your own oxygen. On a piece of paper write, \u201cI love myself, therefore _____\u201d and fill in that blank with a positive belief or something you do that takes care of you. Complete the sentence as many times as you like. Keep that list where you can access it when your Gremlin gets loud.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Live Your Values<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Ask yourself, \u201cDid I violate one of\u00a0<em>my\u00a0<\/em>core values?\u201d If yes, take action to bring your behavior back into line with what you say is important. If, on the other hand, your assessment is based on\u00a0<em>other people\u2019s\u00a0<\/em>standards, just let it go &#8212; it\u2019s not yours!<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Live for Life, not Stuff<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Ask yourself, \u201cWill this matter five minutes from now? Five months from now? Five years from now?\u201d If not, why beat yourself up about it?<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be Early<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Plan ahead. Create an affirmation and a body posture that you know will pull you out of a funk. Practice both every day while looking in the mirror, e.g. while in an open, confident stance say, \u201cI am a gift to the world.\u201d<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Build Reserves<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">We tend to dwell on the negative and dismiss the positive. Stop that! Instead, build a store of good news about you. Collect those complimentary notes and emails into a single file. When you are having a bad day, pull out that file and notice how your negativity melts into gratitude.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Tolerate Nothing<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Like mushrooms, moldy thoughts grow best in manure-filled spaces. Take time to toss out some of your old assessments \u2013 think of it as a mental version of cleaning out your closets, getting rid of the items that no longer fit or that don\u2019t make you feel beautiful.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Choose To Respond<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Negative self-talk can wear you down physically. So practice a physical response that will pull you out of your funk. Stand tall. Take one or two breaths into your deep belly. And smile. The world will more likely smile back.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Stimulate Your Development<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">If where you are right now (physically, mentally, emotionally) is not serving you, change environments! Get some fresh air. Chat with a more positive person. Shift to a different task. Or simply stand and walk around your chair three times. When you return to your task, you\u2019ll carry it more lightly.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Pay Attention<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/ol>\n<div id=\"list\">Notice which side of an issue you give the most attention to. 7% unemployment also means 93% are employed. One flaw in something means 99% is OK. Good AND bad things will happen, and your stress will decrease when you look harder for what\u2019s right versus what\u2019s wrong.<\/div>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Simplify<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Personal standards are important, yet holding too many make it impossible for you to declare \u201csuccess.\u201d Most people can hold no more than 5-7 priorities before they start to break down. So decide the\u00a0<em>few<\/em>\u00a0things that are important; let go of the others.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Speak the Truth<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Speak Facts rather than Assessments. \u201cI failed to meet the deadline\u201d is a fact; \u201cI am a failure\u201d is the assessment you create. In my situation, above, the \u2018story\u2019 was, \u201cI\u2019m a bad coach\u201d when the fact was simply, \u201cone client was not satisfied.\u201d Let the truth set you free from beating yourself up.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Focus on Today<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Be your own best cheerleader. When you notice yourself saying, \u201cI\u2019ll never\u2026(make this work, figure it out, etc)\u201d you are beating yourself up by imagining\u00a0<em>future\u00a0<\/em>failure. Replace that with, \u201cI am giving it my best today, and I know I\u2019ll eventually get it right.\u201d<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be Authentic<\/strong>\n<div id=\"list\">Laugh at yourself. Forgive yourself when you do mess up. Most of all, practice saying, \u201cI am not perfect\u2026AND I am okay with that.\u201d<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>And a bonus 14th tip:\u00a0<strong>Get Back on the Horse<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>Even as my Gremlin was beating me up for being a \u201cbad coach,\u201d I attended a coaching conference and was pulled into a Laser Coaching exercise. This activity, much like a \u201cspeed dating\u201d event, creates a rapid series of coaching conversations as people move down a line every few minutes.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Much to my astonishment, I helped two of my clients identify significant breakdowns\u00a0<strong>in just two minutes!<\/strong>If I\u2019d not been willing to \u2018try, try again\u2019 my Gremlin would have won the argument.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>When you fail to meet your own or other\u2019s expectations, get back in the saddle and try it again. Failure, my friend, is a powerful path to learning.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-left: 124px;margin-right: 124px\"><em>I am totally adequate at all times.\u00a0I accept myself and create peace in my mind and heart.\u00a0~Louise Hay<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 10pt;line-height: 11pt;margin-left: 18px;margin-right: 18px;text-align: justify\"><em><strong>Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae.<\/strong>\u00a0He is an international speaker, executive and life coach, and author. He provides his clients with inspiration and practical tools to live a happier life and build more positive work cultures. He is the author of\u00a0Happiness At The Speed of Life: 13 Powerful Strategies for Finding Happiness at Home and On The Job,\u00a0and has touched the lives of over 10,000 people worldwide through his work on Positive Emotion and Leadership. You can connect with Jim at\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/\">theexecutivehappinesscoach.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Exercise: Raise your hand if you\u2019ve recently engaged in any of the following activities: Called someone a moron, a jerk, or an idiot? Screamed at someone for being stupid? Looked at someone and said, \u201cI can\u2019t stand the sight of you!\u201d? Pushed someone down then kicked them over and over and over? What\u2019s that, you &#8230; <a title=\"Give Yourself a Break: 13 Tips For Self-Care\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2013\/02\/self-care\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Give Yourself a Break: 13 Tips For Self-Care\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5789,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-774","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-strategies-for-personal-change","infinite-scroll-item"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Give Yourself a Break: 13 Tips For Self-Care - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/theexecutivehappinesscoach.com\/2013\/02\/self-care\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Give Yourself a Break: 13 Tips For Self-Care - The Executive Happiness Coach\u00ae\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Exercise: Raise your hand if you\u2019ve recently engaged in any of the following activities: Called someone a moron, a jerk, or an idiot? 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