It’s the end of a coaching conversation, and my client confesses, “I notice this whole conversation has been about me. Usually I’m working on everybody else and what they need. I like it… but I’m really uncomfortable.”
She’s in her mid-40’s and in all that time it’s never been about her. What she hears in her head is, “How dare you put yourself first?!”
That’s the conversation so many people have been trained to have with themselves over and again. The world’s told them over and over, “if you take care of you, you’re being selfish, and selfish is bad.”
Who are you to be happy? Hey, you’re a vibrant, alive human being. You deserve it just as much as anyone and everyone else.
And you’re the only one who doesn’t yet ‘get’ that!
It’s a hard lesson to learn but I did it! I still fall back now and again when someone “puts the arm on me.” Recently, someone appeared to expect my help and I elected not to meet that expectation. I reminded myself that no one takes care of me but me and that if I gave into that person’s wishes, I might be depriving myself later. As it turned out, I made a wise decision. because some unexpected expenses arose.
It’s not an easy thing to learn but I’m catching on!!!
Kay, congratulations! While helping others is sometimes noble, it is NOT ALWAYS the best decision. If your tank is on Empty, how does that help anyone?
Last evening I was feeling really GUILTY about not helping out a guy who was rounding the Panera restaurant seeking help, because he was at the hospital across the street and ran out of gas. Oh, man, I felt bad, but kept thinking, “scam.” Then I saw there was a little girl in his car w/ a bandage around her head. Geez! I was just about ready to offer him $10 when he breezed out of the place, got in his car, and drove away. HUH?! I thought you were out of gas, buddy?!
I’m glad I listened to my gut on that one. J